This past Saturday was a diversion from our normal weekend fare of hanging out in paint-stained clothing and getting really dirty working about the house. We actually cleaned ourselves up a bit and headed out to attend my cousin’s wedding.

My husband will tell you that any social event that involves wearing a suit is worthy of loathing, and the feeling was probably mutual among the men seated at our reception table. Like John, both of my brothers, as well as my brother-in-law, do not possess the easy finesse that so many men have when wearing a suit. Instead, their awkwardness brings to mind a guy about to have his first prom photo snapped in the living room of his date’s home…by her father.

But what my immediate family may lack in the ‘polished image’ category, we more than make up for in other ways. Our relatives never fail to extend us wedding invites, because we are practically famous for our refined skills in a particular wedding tradition.

At most reception dinners, guests gnaw on their rubber chicken and make polite conversation in between the monotonous speeches, pausing every once in awhile to tap on their glasses with the flatware—a universal signal that the bride and groom must kiss.
In recent years however, the level of difficulty for this tradition has been elevated, with guest tables now having to sing a song containing the word ‘Love’ before the happy couple will lock lips.

Previously anonymous guests suddenly have an early opportunity to publicly humiliate themselves in front of family and friends, make a lasting impression on the generally uncharted ‘other’ side of the room, and give everyone lots to snark about over the hours-long dinner.

As a party game, this new trend is kind of like American Idol meets Fear Factor meets Jeopardy. Coming up with a song your table can sing is actually one of the hardest elements, and then of course, there’s getting the courage up to perform it for a room of 200 or so.
Eventually though, the battle’s on – table #6 warbles “Love Me Tender”; old aunt Mabel’s table counters with “Love is a Many Splendored Thing”; a table of young women (friends of the bride, perhaps?) launch into the abysmal “Power of Love”.
At this point, everyone at my table grabs another stiff drink because, let’s face it, most people just can’t sing well, and attempts at this ‘new tradition’ range from being ridiculously funny to being downright painful to watch. After listening to the guys at table #18 drunkenly croon the theme from The Love Boat and a group of new empty-nesters attempt Barney’s “I Love You, You Love Me”, we are sufficiently liquored up and ready to play.
Our relatives had actually been watching our table for a while now, their pleading eyes silently screaming “Save Us, Please!”, because they know that in this arena, the table where my siblings and I sit will emerge as champions of this vocal assault.

It’s not just that each child in my family was blessed with a certain degree of natural musical talent (at best, there’s my brother Michael, who could be a decent lead singer for just about any rock band out there; at worst, my sister remains on-key and doesn’t attempt any vocal gymnastics); strangely, each of our significant others were as well. We all sing passably, and the majority of us can also play an instrument.

And while none of us pursued music as a vocation, my family raised the blood sport of ‘The Love Song Wedding Game’ to a high art form many years ago at my very own wedding, when my brother Michael and cousin Steve led their table in the most awe-inspiring a capella rendition of Led Zeppelin’s “Whole ‘Lotta Love” the world had ever heard.

Not only was the singing dead-on, but there was even hand percussion and mouthed lead guitar effects incorporated into the performance. I tell you, jaws literally dropped (and mine was one of them). It was, in a word, amazing.

Since then, my siblings and I have been expected to re-enact this experience at every wedding we attend, and we’ve discovered that it’s a great icebreaker when bringing two unfamiliar families together for the first time. Over the years, our repertoire has grown to accommodate events where we don’t really know many people. This weekend, for instance, because we’d never met the bride or any of ‘that side’ of the room, we started off with Stevie Wonder’s tasteful “I Just Called to Say I Love You”. As always, my brother sang the lead like an angel, and we had some nice layered harmonies happening. Meatloaf’s “Paradise by the Dashboard Light” followed some time after that, getting more tables involved in the fun and singing along, and we wrapped it up during dessert and coffee with our now-legendary lead balloon of a wedding ‘Love’ song.

While we may detest dressing for these occasions, ‘maa-wage is a bwessed awangement’, and failing to have and contribute to a good time at a family member’s nuptials would be…inconceivable.