Drier Living Through Branded Merchandising
Leakage, as you might be aware, is a woman’s WORST enemy. Procter & Gamble have built an empire from the manufacture of products that purport to prevent leakage. But Kotex and Always have yet to come out with something that works on ROOFS.
What I need right now is some serious leakage protection…like a Really, Really, Really-Maxi Maxi Pad. Big enough to sop up the entire sky on those ‘heavy days’.
Believe me, PMS has nothing on what I’m feeling now. My roof is leaking. There is a bucket on my poor mother-in-law’s bed (as well as in three other places). I have slit the ceiling in her bedsitting room in several spots with an xacto-blade so the water would run out instead of making huge bubbles in the drywall. My husband is going to kill me when he gets home from work.
Nine years and two days of marriage—will this leak spell the end for us?
Oh, and it gets even better. I’ve been using a turkey baster to suction the water off the roof.
Now, before you spit out your drink laughing hysterically, let me just say that I had to quickly improvise, and son-of-a-gun, it actually seems to work pretty good, because the water is too shallow for a cup to be of any use up there.
And I’m not using just any old turkey baster—this is my special Mackie turkey baster, which I picked up at a NAMM Convention in Anaheim about 10 or so years ago. Mackie is a company that makes mixing boards and other pro audio gear.
Usually, trade show swag is useless. But not today…
The guys who are working on our patio are going to have some good stories when they get home tonight—telling their friends all about the crazy lady on her roof with a turkey baster.
Actually, they were probably feeling a bit of pity for me as I ranted about the yard, screaming repetitive expletives and raving on about how it figures this would happen on a long weekend…
...and how it figures that it would be right when we’ve parted with any extra money we might have had to get it fixed…
... and how it figures it waited until the @#$%^ oak floor was in before unleashing its fury upon me.
One of them said they should take a picture (of me on the roof), and since I haven’t posted any photos of myself here yet, I let him have my camera. Here’s me with my trusty turkey baster:
technorati tags: houseblog, DIY, roofing, leaking+roof, desperate+housewife
I will never look at a leaking roof the same way again.
Comment by Greg — May 20, 2006 @ 12:51 am
Do you have a flat rubber roof? Or is there a pitch to it? Ineed more info and pictures. I want to help. : > We do not even have a roof yet. Just picture our heavy flow.
Comment by Michael — May 20, 2006 @ 3:18 am
That’s too funny. If you had a bigger ladder, you could go on the roof and push it off with a push broom. Alternatively, try some sawdust from under your table saw. That stuff soaks up moisture pretty well.
Comment by homeimprovementninja — May 24, 2006 @ 2:08 pm
I thought my mid-winter ice – dam was a challenge. This story was darn funny and makes me glad I have a baster … just in case!
Comment by Amy — June 1, 2006 @ 3:50 am
How’s things up there in the Great, um, green? North? Haven’t seen you post for awhile…just checking in…
Comment by jm — June 19, 2006 @ 7:20 am
THAT’S where my turkey baster must be! Must climb on the roof tomorrow
Comment by Felicia — October 11, 2006 @ 11:44 pm
Ack! We have had a leak over our stairway this winter…so I feel your pain. Be careful up there on the tippy top of that ladder!
Comment by joyce — March 15, 2008 @ 6:40 pm